tired

i often feel joey is laughing at me. so now i have had even more confirmation that he is happy and it is just that simple.

if i dont get it by now i am insane.
but everyone seems to be anyway.

mooji says to choose and so i do. i do not want people around and yet i am terribly lonely for people who understand. even the most arduous spiritual types seems seriously hell bent on reaching some nirvana and that only makes me roll my eyes when no one is laughing.

if i cannot love hitler i do not know how to love.

everyone tells me there is a veil and i dont believe them for a second.

joey tells me to be more patient but i have an issue with patience when it comes to destroying the illusion of a veil.

maybe i should just jump straight in to the ayahuasca

oh phoo..my ego needs to keep out of this, everything will just open up on its own.

i have no idea why i am still in this town.

i keep dreaming of houses and i live there and have to move and cannot see my gardens grow.

i am so tired.

and lonely.

and i can feel joey and bob laughing with kindness at me.

i give up.