...

Waking up in 'the 3 dimensional consciousness' this morning to realize that telling my brain to not think was still 'thinking'. what a waste of time. saw i judged that,too. too much judgement going on.

watched a woman describe her near death experience and her choice to go back. she was vehement about going back to 'try again' even tho her 'body' had been declared legally dead.

this woke me up.

Joey chose to stay. he even came to his brother Bobby and told him, in a lucid dream 'There was no way I was going back there!'

see, it had nothing to do with me all along. My guilt, my assumed responsibility, none of it had to do with me.

Joey chose to stay. he wanted it , wanted it when he told Bobby that his father's hand reached out and told him 'Come on, son.'

so I carry around this guilt and absurd sense of responsibility every day for almost 7 years and suddenly today I realize Joey was his own consciousness in charge of his own choice to stay in this place or go.

I have not heard from him lately, even under the soft tutelage of the voice of Bob Monroe in meditation.

Perhaps this consciousness where I slog is too heavy for him. I dont know.

I do know she is a tired old puppet.