..........

one of the discussion boards I visited was debating the concept of whether linear time exists. I had brought up the subject, foolishly again, that past present and future are all in the same place.

this bothers people a lot.

i do not begin to state i know i know this. i just know i was conditioned (even with a picture in my mind) of 'time' going from left to right, from birth thru death and a void on either side. I can draw the picture. i see it even now. i used to see it as a child. perhaps a nun showed it to me. i don't know. nuns told me a lot of crap. once a nun tried to explain infinity to me (so i would understand hell)..she told me to imagine a bird flying up to a large steel ball in the sky as large as the sun....every thousand years the bird would fly up there and flap it's wings once at the ball. she told me 'when that steel ball is demolished by the flapping of that bird every thousand years...well, thats how long eternity is!'....as a child i shuddered at the thought of such a long time...

now i am trying to picture the universe in layers, one inside the other, like little russian dolls....its not easy making a new picture of multi dimensions....i just know now that my 'eyes' and 'ears' pick up only the teeniest  spectrums of frequencies, and they are not to be trusted. they have been conditioned also. they lie all the time. 'oh that is a chair!' 'oh that is the sound of a truck!' but they do not wish to hear or see what else is going on they are lazy.

i have to close them off to 'hear' and 'see'. sometimes they flicker, tho, and out of the corner of the left eye i see something and then it goes away. i am so sure it is a figure. then it is gone. but not gone, my conditioned brain just ignores it. it has been taught to filter out everything as a security valve to keep me a decent member of society.

only when i paint or draw am i allowed to open the faucets up and let it come out and it is usually just taking energy and forming it.

which is all this all is anyway.

so Joey is the creator of his own form as a Joey in this place and he is still creating from his source connected to everything, as am I. both of us are sitting together making dreams and plays and it never ends. it just is.

i watch what the sages say online, so many of them i could fill a football stadium with them, but i dont necessarily take to heart any of it . i just read it and wonder what they mean because they are always talking thru their own filters. even mooji. even buddha. all of them. i just watch and listen and wait.


the more i do know, since there is no past present or future , is that none of this is at all serious and is a lot of silliness. it makes no sense and has no meaning whatsoever to it. i might as well be a flower for all the sense this makes.

trying not to get bogged down in it is another thing, if i am just energy formed as an illusory dream, the last thing i want is to slog thru it, might as well dance.

Joey seems to think so , too. I know he is okay but i want him to come and let me know again and again and i am filled with desire which , as the mighty sages say, is a no no.


so i just wait til i no longer do this dance as an 'i'.    


they also tell me to love myself. i have no idea what that means.



maybe i never loved marianne but i am going to take the leap of faith that she is loved somewhere within this mess of multidimensional universality. somewhere.


i envy anita moorjani , she knows now she is loved. she beams.