some days i just dont want to be here

I already know it's just my ego talking, but I watched my little self looking up how many pills it would take to take myself over. Some days I watch 'her' do that, and know she is going to probably not do it, but there is some peace in knowing it can be done.

I couldn't do that to the other kids, though. But just knowing I can do it, gives me peace. If I want to stop this whole show, I can.

Every fucking sage out there has all the goddamned answers but not one , except for Mooji, has had a child stop using their body. I have no idea what happened to him, but it isn't happening to me.

I am just tired.

By the way, it takes 120 pills and 3 bottles of wine to do it.

I won't.

But if Bobby and Mike weren't here, I would.