Sunday, January 27, 2013


The play is sending another grandchild to play a part in it all, and I have evidently chosen to be a 'grandmother' again, that is the play, and the props are in place.

People near and far are rejoicing and justifying  their own ego boats they are in by telling me how wonderful it is to be born and manifest a body and how lucky it is to be experiencing this.

I am very joyous that the Light is manifesting as a body called my grandchildren, and will welcome it with love and attention and enjoy the gift of the soul of this little one who chose to come from the Ocean of Light and Love and divinely inhale this dimension with this body I, too, have manifested.

I wonder why, though, no celebration occurs when the body is no longer manifested.

All I heard when my son stopped using the body was gloom from other people.

I hear only from those who have stopped using their bodies , such as near death experiencers, a celebration for my son.

I will surround myself with those people who celebrate his birth out of a body , and back home again with his father.

I live alone and speak to no one here. There is no slight flirtation now with surrendering to everything, and disappearing. There is no tip toeing around with spiritual books but still hanging onto any of this anymore.

Everything must go.

I have very little energy for the play and find myself, as I am in the body, pretending far too much to accomodate other people in their need for me to feed the justifications of their ego boats. How silly, when the ice could break underneath them at anytime as they paddle furiously with their names and positions and assurance that their bodies are who they are.

so, I do not answer the phone or have people around, and prefer the dogs , who ask for nothing, and the birds , who ask for nothing, and the cats, who ask for nothing. I lay on the bed with the dogs and sleep. It is enough. I feel myself wanting to call the movers to clear my home of what little is left of the furniture that has appeared, and clear away the props. The less of 'me', the more of God. The more of Joey, who knows God better than I can even consider.

The only thing keeping me from chucking it all is the non human animals, who I have taken on as friends, who count on me to keep them warm and love them. as they do for me.

I am totally alone, and yet surrounded by Joey and Bob and those who no longer use their bodies, and I speak with them always, because they are who I trust implicitly and will always lead this body into a right state.

I cannot even leave the house easily, I hide inside this containment, and know it is not real and there is no reason to leave unless a pull comes to do so. When I do, I am never really anywhere but in a state of not being there. There is no place. No place is everywhere. I know I am not seeing anything more then a limited spectrum of a conditioned mind.

I will be the grandmother, and do it well, because the innocent must be loved and laughed with and cared for and are so close to the angels. That is what shows up, and I love the innocent that show up at my door, and embrace them .

This body will not manifest soon enough in linear time, and so it is merely a conditioned mind that sees it as a hindrance, but sometimes I feel this inner struggle as tho a bird in a cage is trying to release itself and it jumps around inside looking for an exit. but no doors open and the bird has to settle down and accept it.

I ask Joey every morning in this space to send me something palatable to get through it, and he does. I ask him and his father and all of them to stay with me, I am so close. yet not in their understanding, yet.

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