Monday, January 7, 2013

quit asking them

Well, I asked a whole shitload of people who have had NDE's if they would grieve at all if one of their children crossed out of their bodies, and all I got was a shitload of different answers.

I mean, these people were THERE in the LIGHT and LOVE and they still cannot say no, I would not, perhaps it would soften it a bit but they cannot tell if they would grieve, or maybe they would, or whatever.

I compare this quest I have to know that LOVE my son is in to the same concerns I had when I sent him to a school. First, I checked out the school to make sure it was safe, to make sure the teachers were good, to make sure he was in a safe and loving environment.

Now I am supposed to merely take it on 'good faith' that he is in a safe and loving environment without having even attended the damned place and checked it out! Horseshit!

Either I am allowed to know the LOVE he is in, or I spend the rest of this play waiting to get out of this play. Not one moment of peace will occur until I know. I am aware that means a hellishly awful time in this play.

But I am done trying to make the play palatable. Only one thing will make it palatable, and that is to know the LOVE my son is in. Anything else is bullshit.

At least I have the weary knowledge that eventually I will know. It will mean my last silly breath in this animated corpse, but at least I know I am headed in that direction.

In the meantime, learning to make Purgatory palatable enough to muddle through.

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