lay down.

I keep seeing people out of the right corner of my eye. I am heading down again, but at least I am aware of it and just watching it from some other place.

They seem to come around when I need them . so be it.

Dreams come and go, the latest is a recurring dream of being stuck in a building and getting off of elevators on all the wrong floors and not being able to escape.

Then there are the house dreams, beautiful houses I cannot stay in and keep planting flowers and gardens and then am rushed away to another home where I cannot stay. and the little creatures that live with me cannot be saved. They beg me to mother them and I try but cannot save them.

The first dream I remember as a 4 yr old child is when I dreamt I walked through the mirror in the dining room, and entered a world of many rooms, all of them bedrooms with beautiful places to lay down.

Perhaps that was my best dream. Going through the mirror.

No one would believe me if I told them I saw a large object shaped like a tube with bright lights on it in the sky when I was a 6 yr old. No one would believe me if I told them it had lights all along the side of it and hovered over my back meadows as a little girl.

So I dont tell people that.

I am tired of dreams of archetypes like Robin Williams who reject me as a lover.. Talk about annoying. I am only rejecting myself anyway.

Dreams I am not lovable enough are very annoying.

Only once did I have one where I knew something beloved was there and loving me.

The feeling I had when I woke up to this dream was joy.

I am tired of this play and even though I chose the play and wrote the script and have to let it play out, I am still tired of the part.

I am told I will not even care I did it when I no longer manifest as a body . I guess I will  trust what the near death experiencers say to me. They are all I have now to trust, to what extent I can trust them.

I can trust Mooji's words more. He knows some things.

I am tired.I need to lay down for a while.