Killing Marianne.

When one is 'born' , or decides they will 'manifest' as a baby, it's still pretty simple. No name, no indoctrination.

But, then, oh boy, does one learn fast.

"You are your body! You are a female! You are named Marianne!"

Luckily,when my husband had passed out of his body, the one thing I learned, half heartedly, was that I was NOT in control of what occurred in my existence. At least, my 'ego' was not. I was very young, but I had already had a lot of experiences that had taught me not to take too much of this experience here too seriously.

However, I was also still attached to everything, but , especially, my concepts of myself as a 'mother' , and to my 'children'.

It was the ONE thing I wanted control over. The protection of my children. I wrote whole essays on my 'motherbear' status when I was young, and considered my children the crown jewel of my most prized possessions, I did not even consider I could not control the outcome of their 'well being', I was in the ego boat, paddling away.

I realize now I always meant well, and it was just my conditioning that led me to that place of overbearing attachment to this dimension as a 'reality'.

But, you see, that did not work anymore when Joey stopped using a body. The entire structure of my concepts of what 'reality' and 'me' had to be changed, exploded, dynamited, destroyed, annihilated, and blown into smithereens.

Let go, or be dragged, says the Zen Proverb,

I guess I got dragged.

So, where from here, I thought. How do I find out what I really am???

The Near Death Experiencers had been writing to me, some of them , like Anita Moorjani, and Ken Prather, and others had been letting me KNOW that Joey is in PURE JOY AND HOME..

Now, my question was, to them..how do I know that JOY???

They could only tell me about their experiences. They could barely DESCRIBE THE JOY through their tears and happiness.

This was getting interesting, but I had

to


know.


So, I found , (it found me) the International Association of Near Death Studies.

I saw the youtube videos of all these people, thousands of them, describing their Near Death Experiences..I also listened to the doctors, scientists and physicists describing quantum theorems and watched myself putting 2 plus 2 together....so there is no death???? there is no death. This is a holographic dimension. There is no physical matter, it is

a

dream state.

All the dimensions are layered on each other .

And one has to take the inner journey to get there.

Now, I was back to the journey of Eshkigal, only, I had to travel to the underworld and let go of the fancy dress and remnants of ego that were left. I had to dive into the murky waters and find the jewel.

In a sense, I had been working on it. I had been listening to tapes to calm my thoughts, and even tried to create isolation techniques to 'rid ' my ego self of the sounds and sights, which I now know are very limited senses, of the so called 'body'.

I had no idea, otherwise, how to access multi dimensions . Even tho, intellectually, I was finally 'getting' that Joey was right next to me.

Sort of like, the universe is a radio and I was only on ONE frequency....and there are infinite numbers of frequencies one can tune into....but, I didn't own a radio....or so..I thought.....(I actually did, I just had to learn to remember)

More on the wonderful NDE people I have met and how they helped me realize there is NO DEATH...

The IANDS conference, next story.......................................