Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The infamous Attitude of Gratitude

A few months ago, in linear time, I was appallingly depressed. My perspective was in a cesspool, I saw this dimension as oppressively annoying, a prison, dragging my body around like a ball and chain, a high maintenance object with no actual point to any of it.

Perhaps that energy was felt by Yolaine Stout, one of the many Near death experiencers I know, who, that night, called me 'out of the blue' and reminded me of what I needed to know.

Her words were simple. You have read Jung, you know this is an illusory dimension, now, reshift your focus. Everything in this dimension, no 3, is also an archetype. Allow the synchronicity to flow. shift. your. perspective.

That was it. She was correct. The body was being given too much credit by the ego, it carried weight because I gave it weight. If the magic is in the universal archetypes, it is also in 3 dimensions.

I readjusted my focus. Allow it to unfold.

My other NDE friend, Ellyn Dye, also opened my inner eye up to a truth I had not often considered.

"Think of the one person in your life" she told me "That you consider an enemy. Now....shift your focus...and consider them your brightest angel...because, Marianne, this is merely a play. Everyone you meet is exactly there for your own higher good. Look clearly at what you have learned..for when you meet anyone, you meet yourself.."

I would like to thank many people for helping me meet myself and learning. I know, now, it was all planned out.

First, my mom. Her neediness and fears were so apparent. I realize I chose her and she chose me. She had self loathing, which I watched closely, as  she took second place in life as a woman, and was afraid of death, and hell, and an evil angry god who she so desperately wanted to be her father and love her. Her anger showed up in odd ways, a little girl, really, who needed to just know she was divine and special. I thank her for playing that role for me, her gift to me, to learn I had to learn to love myself, and learn I was divine, and learn there is no anger or hatred in the source of all that is. Thank you mom.

Thank you to the many girls in junior high school and high school who beat the living shit out of me! You taught me more than I could have ever learned. Your roles you played were incredibly helpful..I learned not to hurt or harm others because they were considered different..I learned empathy, what it was like to be on the receiving end of abuse. I learned so much compassion for those who hide and detest their lives. I learned that fear is what drives people into cruelty, and I thank you all for your gift.

To the dentist who pulled all my teeth out when I was 11.
Thank you!! I learned, from the role you played, not to take my body seriously anymore. I learned that it was silly, and that no matter how much I was judged and laughed at, I was not a set of teeth, or a body, or a girl with a broken mouth! I also was able to help my mother, and others, along the way, when their teeth fell apart!! Thank you for that experience..I needed to go down the tubes to understand, I needed to look like a freak before I could re accept myself and begin to not care how others judged my appearance. Thank you for your role in my experience!


When I 'found' my second dog, I realized at the time, sitting in front of her at the animal shelter, that as I was 'saving'  her, I was 'saving' an aspect of 'me'.

I saw the little one, curled into a horrible ball of self loathing, sitting , shaking, terrified, in her own pool of urine...afraid, not loved, not cared for. She had been brought to the shelter by a mean man, and was a throwaway. She, who never knew love, in a huge cage with no one to love her.

I knew her well. I knew her. I knew that when I decided to love her, and tell her she was beloved, that I was also telling that to myself. I knew that in every core of every strand of me. She was me, she was a me I knew, she was a beaten up, pound puppy, who figured if she was quiet and still and did not bother anyone, perhaps she could survive, but she would never know love.

Well, she sits by my bodily side now, her glee and beautous jumping joy always makes me smile, laugh, and the knowledge that she will always be loved sends a straight arrow right into my be ing, because I know she knows we are both the same, both unafraid now, and both very very much loved......


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