Joey knew he was going to leave that body. I know this now. He was having, a few weeks before he left his body, what are called 'lucid dreams', that is, dreams that feel so real you believe they are real. More real than this 'reality'.
Joey would come out of his room and try to explain them to me.
"Mom!! I went to this place..It is so hard, so hard to..describe it...a million suns, crystal shining, beauty...as though a trillion diamonds were everywhere..oh my god mom..so beautiful...!!!"
He was so frustrated in trying to get me to understand.
I recall one day, as he sat in recuperation from his back surgery, he looked at me and said
"Mom. You are getting older. I want you to tell me, when you pass on..well..where should I look for you??"
My assured response at the time (Little did I know how I had to take my own advice later) was..
"Look for me in everything...everything..I will always be with you..."
Well, I had all the answers. Little did I know, I repeat, that I would have to learn the hard way, what I was saying to him at the time.
After Joey stopped using his body, I was wailing. Out loud, like a cry from the river with no bottom. There is no hole deeper than that one. But, I was conditioned to put myself there, and I recognize that now. Nonetheless, Joey was trying to get through, and get through..he did.
Besides the insistent voice that kept coming into my head.."MOM!! I AM FINE!!!!" over and over, which, because my ego self was not listening and brushing it off as my 'imagination', I also received a very important phone call from a friend in those weeks after Joey stopped using his body.
This friend , I had known, for a while . She is one of those folks who, by grace and god, 'sees' things, was born with the ability to touch base with that aspect of dimension that we are all probably 'born' with but lose quickly as we are told to 'stop' by society.
Well, she never 'stopped'. I had known her for years, and was amazed, she was pretty humble about it all, she saw orbs and light and beauty and angels and all the other names we call that luminescence we try to describe, speaking from 'this' perspective.
She called me one night, as I lay on my couch crying, and told me 'Your son just came to me and asked me to help you. Come to California and I will. He is very persistent!"
I had not even told her my son had passed over.
I jumped on the first flight I could to Santa Barbara.
When I arrived she kindly put up with me. I was an insane woman, and I knew it, but she was insistent that Joey was fine, more than fine, and she couldnt keep up with his talking to her.
She took me to a ritual, where she was trying to help me heal. Even a little healing , I was up for it.
Two other wonderful people, shamans or whatever you want to call them, recognized I was already 'leaving' my body, searching for my son. They told me I needed to ground myself.
Fuck that! I thought. For the past few weeks I had been painting stars on a large canvas, it was as though I was creating a map of the whole universe looking for Joey, by painting the whole universe. I see that now in retrospect. These people in California saw I was all over the place.
"We need to bring you back to your body " they said.
So, they did. They worked on me, as a light being, and helped me center.
Then, my friend did something I never expected, and it was the most miraculous and kind thing anyone ever did for me.
She always told me she would 'hear' spirit speak to her, many people would come to her and speak, but she would never, ever let anyone 'speak' by entering her body and channel them. She had always been afraid of that for some reason.
She looked right at me, that day I was being centered, and said
"Marianne, I will let Joey speak through me, if you want."
I was given a gift I will never forget. From a long time friend , who, overcame her fear and gently gave me a ray of light I so sorely needed.
That day, she lay down and I watched her go into a state, like a trance.
Be aware that this woman's personality is very quiet, and gentle, and she would not say a curse word , ever.
Well, when Joey decided to start speaking through her, it was pretty apparent it was Joey. Because my friend had NEVER met my son in physical life, when that voice came out and the words were spoken by her, it was NOT her..it was Joey....
"MOM!! FUCK MOM!! THIS IS THE BEST..PLACE...EVER!!!! OH MY GOD MOM!!! YOU NEED TO STOP PAINTING STARS CAUSE..MOM I AM IN EVERY STAR!!! THIS IS INCREDIBLE MOM!!!! MOM GET ON THE CAROUSEL AND GRAB THE GOLDEN RING AND HAVE FUN THIS IS THE BEST PLACE EVER!!!!! "
Joey let me have it, both barrels. He let me know, for the first time I heard him thru my friend, (and this wont be the last time, there is more) that he was not only still the Joey I knew, but he was like a kid who just discovered Disneyland and more.
When my friend came out of her trance, she was laughing...
"oh MY GOD, Marianne!! " she laughed, "Your SON is the PARTY of the UNIVERSE!"
Deep down, I know Joey, and I was not surprised. Indeed. Joey is the party of the Universe.
I cannot ever thank my friend Suzan sufficiently for the work she did with me.
While I was at her home, I had a vision of my yet 'unborn' grandson .
There are more gifts of spirit to be told. So, so many more. The journey continues.